Until a few days ago, I, like most people never asked myself this question. It was an innate feeling. Another way to think of this question is: do you believe things are more likely to fail than work out in your favor?
If you're experiencing an uncomfortable feeling of realizing that in fact, you assume things are less likely than more likely to work out, I am with you. If you have spent most of your life preparing for the worst possible outcome. Worrying about outcomes that never came, I am with you.
But, I am also here to help you see things differently. First, I want to say you have a choice. You have a choice to see things differently, to change your perspective. I say this because I did not know that I had a choice. I thought it was just the way I thought. Perhaps if I tried REALLY HARD, once in a while, I could hope for the best, but certainly, I did not think I could change the entire story running through my mind. After all, I had a long list of reasons why it was better to prepare for the worst than expect the best.
But, here is what I am starting to practice, to meditate on, to grow into.
What if, for the most part, things worked out. What if, the things that didn't work out were because it was the wrong thing or the wrong time - even if you were certain it was the right thing at the exact right moment. What if when the really bad things happened, family members becoming ill or passing or losing a job that you and your family relied on, you were able to grieve, but not blame. Not add this to the running list of "bad things that prove the world is out to make my life terrible."
What if, we just ripped up the list altogether. What if we made a list that showed all the awesome things that happened in our lives and held that up for ourselves and the world to see?
Now, I want to take this a step further, but you might not be ready to be here with me yet, so, grain of salt.
What if, not only was life not out to get you but Life, the Universe, G-d, Mother Nature, whatever force you believe in, was actually supporting you and your goals. Supporting your happiness. Conspiring to help you get where you need to be. Those hurdles, even the huge ones, the ones that really make you say "why me?" they are there are part of the bigger journey. To help you see your next step, to help you see what really matters.
If you're like me, you're experiencing a bit of a mind-blown moment. You might think I am crazy and that your particular terrible thing can't possibly be part of your journey. You might feel sad, you may be wondering why you felt this way, to begin with. You might be feeling all of those feelings at once. I know I did.
If you're feeling open to considering this alternative way of thinking, but feeling burdened by time wasted thinking so negatively in the past, you may find words my therapist recently said to me helpful. "I am so glad you're are seeing this now." If you are on your own journey to fulfillment, to be happier, or to release your perfectionist ways, by all means, give it a few minutes of thought, but remember not to be consumed by the why.
If you're still reading, but asking yourself why you stayed until the end. Maybe it is because you can't consider this for the big things(yet), but the small things, you're ready. When you spill your coffee, when you miss your train, when you mix up the dates of a meeting. Can you try to acknowledge that these are things that are part of life, and not meant to remind you that some greater force is out to get you?
My plan is to try.
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